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雅思作文点评:老龄化快速增长的优缺点 经典百句巧记雅思作文核心词汇

更新:2023年04月24日 01:39 雅思无忧

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雅思作文点评:老龄化快速增长的优缺点 经典百句巧记雅思作文核心词汇

雅思作文点评:老龄化快速增长的优缺点

In many countries, the number of elderly people is increasing fast. To what extent do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

Nowadays, owning to the improvement of living condition(这里习惯用复数), people can live much longer than before, which gives rise to the fast increasing number of elderly people. Some hold that this situation will result in a series of problems, such as social burden, population expansion and so on. While others insist that it agrees the development of modern society and brings many advantages. For my part, I take the latter side with(用for) the following reasons: (74words)

点评:开头稍微写的有点长,不过内容写的还不错。属于通过分析两种不同观点,最后阐述自己观点的写法。(此种写法在雅思大作文的第一段比较常见)

美中不足的是倒数第二句的错误比较明显!while是个连词,应该连接句子与句子,所以这里前面不应该是句号。后面agree是不及物动词,不能直接加宾语。

Firstly, elder people(一会儿elderly people,一会儿又elder people,这不是自相矛盾么!!!) are the fortune of our society. They have enough experiences and capabilities which are badly lacked and needed for our youth when dealing with all sorts of problems, they can still do well in their jobs. Especially(前面应该用逗号,然后这里小写) in some professions, such as teacher, doctor, scientist and so on, sometimes (前面应该用句号,然后这里大写)age means the authority and ability. When you see a doctor, do you prefer an elderly doctor with grey hair or a youth without mustache? (77words)

Secondly, elder people(同上) are the happiness of our society. Increasing number of elderly people is also the embodiment of our improving living quality, which shows our society run(应该第三人称单数)to the right and healthy direction, we(前面句号,这里大写) have more chance and time to serve our elderly people, and it’s the happiest time of all our life to accompany with(accompany是及物动词) our parents, grandparents and great grandparents. (63words)

Finally, elderly people are the lubricant of our society. They have good temper and enough patients(应该是patience吧) to do anything, they can help us to intercede(它是不及物动词,而且主要用人作宾语) social disputes, and they make our society much more harmonious which(前面最好有个逗号)makes for the construction of harmonious society.(43words)

正文段综合点评:此篇是典型的5段式作文的写作,正文段构思出三个分论点来证明自己的观点,的确在构思上花了不少心思。但是,这里我想提的是,还是两方面都分析一下会比较好一点。特别这篇文章是问优点多还是缺点多,那么最好是缺点讲一个,然后优点再讲两个。外国人喜欢这样的辩证分析。

其次,总的来说,作者的语言还是挺流畅的。但是似乎标点有问题,该用句号的时候用逗号,改用逗号的时候用句号,这个也要扣分的!

From mentioned above, the advantages of increasing number of elderly people are obvious more than it disadvantages(典型的Chinese English.应该说there are obviously more advantages than disadvantages.). Elderly people are not the burden of our society but the source of fortune, happiness and harmony of our society.(37words)

全文总评:

尽管总的来说语言水平还是很不错的,内容也写得很充实,但缺点是语言方面还是不够细腻。此文7分。

经典百句巧记雅思作文核心词汇

雅思作文核心词汇:
  1. Typical of the grassland dwellers of the continent is the American antelope, or pronghorn.
  美洲羚羊,或称叉角羚,是该大陆典型的草原动物。
  2. Of the millions who saw Haley‘s comet in 1986, how many people will live long enough to see it return in the twenty-first century.
  1986年看见哈雷慧星的千百万人当中,有多少人能够长寿到足以目睹它在二十一世纪的回归呢?
  3. Anthropologists have discovered that fear, happiness, sadness, and surprise are universally reflected in facial expressions.
  人类学家们已经发现,恐惧,快乐,悲伤和惊奇都会行之于色,这在全人类是共通的。
  4. Because of its irritating effect on humans, the use of phenol as a general antiseptic has been largely discontinued.
  由于苯酚对人体带有*性作用,它基本上已不再被当作常用的防腐剂了。
  5. In group to remain in existence, a profit-making organization must, in the long run, produce something consumers consider useful or desirable.
  任何盈利组织若要生存,最终都必须生产出消费者可用或需要的产品。
  6. The greater the population there is in a locality, the greater the need there is for water, transportation, and disposal of refuse.
  一个地方的人口越多,其对水,交通和垃圾处理的需求就会越大。
  7. It is more difficult to write simply, directly, and effectively than to employ flowery but vague expressions that only obscure one‘s meaning.
  简明,直接,有力的写作难于花哨,含混而意义模糊的表达。
  8. With modern offices becoming more mechanized, designers are attempting to personalize them with warmer, less severe interiors.
  随着现代办公室的日益自动化,设计师们正试图利用较为温暖而不太严肃的内部装饰来使其具有亲切感。
  9. The difference between libel and slander is that libel is printed while slander is spoken.
  诽谤和流言的区别在于前者是书面的,而后者是口头的。
  10. The knee is the joints where the thigh bone meets the large bone of the lower leg.
  膝盖是大腿骨和小腿胫的连接处。 雅思作文核心词汇:
  11. Acids are chemical compounds that, in water solution, have a sharp taste, a corrosive action on metals, and the ability to turn certain blue vegetable dyes red.
  酸是一种化合物,它在溶于水时具有强烈的气味和对金属的腐蚀性,并且能够使某些蓝色植物染料变红。
  12. Billie Holiday‘s reputation as a great jazz-blues singer rests on her ability to give emotional depth to her songs.

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