parenting 第二节父母的教养方式ParentingStyles

Communication as a two-way process

Parenting styles-Passive，Aggressive，Assertive（被动判拦的专制型的和权威型的）

父母的教养方式取决于旁数父母如何与孩子沟通，如何掘启胡建立规则和提出期望，如何关心爱护孩子，以及出现问题时人如何与孩子沟通。Parenting styles are based on how we communicate with our children and how we establish rules and expectations，how we care and love for them，and how we communicate when things go wrong.

沟通，70%以上都是非语言沟通。

Over 70% of communication is non-verbal.

Think back: How did you know when your toddler was angry or happy?

Think about their:

body language（stamping their feet，threwing themselves on the floor，pulling and holding on to you）

gesturing and pointing

facial expression（screwed up face）

tone of voice（screaming or shouting）

－－ these were their communication

—Do as I say！

—Do what you want！

—Let's talk about it. I am listening.

When you were a child，how did their response make you feel?

Who did you respect or who listened to you when you were young?

What did you like about them?

How did they make you feel?

Do you think your child would think this about you?

What qualities do you want for your child for the future?

Imagine you could pack a suitcase with all those qualities in it that you want for your child as an *. What would you put in it?

And just think about that when you are responding to them，your parenting style will influence the kind of person your child grows up to be.

Passive parents ，maybe called like Mr/Mrs Marshmallow parents. They give in demands，they slump their body language，they avoid eye contact，have a really quite voice. Their bodies are *all and just give an air of not really interested and you can get away with what you like.

Assertive parents ，is Mr/Mrs Firm and Friendly. They are respectful. Their body language is much open. They are prepared to say sorry. They might change their mind on something with more information. They are much more calm and you kind of predict a little bit more what's coming but also there much more approachable.

Aggressive parents ，is more like a sergeant major. They probably like make their bodies big. They about and threaten more fingerpoint. They are holding on their hip. And not somebody you really want to approach want to ask a question about.

In fact we might all be a little bit of all of those parenting styles. And that can be the same even in one sentence. But think about what personality you use the most and will this parent install give you the personality of the child.

The sort of communication obviously has an effect on you and child.

If you can remain calm and positive and friendly that generally your child will have a higher self esteem. There are lots of positives. The correlate between your behaviour and your child's behavior.

Some STEPS to assertive communication：

Choose your battles

Keep out of the rain

Is it something that you need to take on we don't have to argue about everything？ We don't have to pick up on everything that children do . Think about whether this particular thing is important or not，Know your outcome，Know what you want from your child when you ask them to do something. Is it kind of where there's a stage that they are. And try and keep calm.

Keep calm

Then it is much better more likely that your child will keep calm.

Give choices and consequences

That will keep you out of the rain as well. If you can give them a little bit of control and expect feelings and emotions to take up space and time.

We are all busy but children do come with feelings and emotions. And if we don't address them then we will end up with much more chaotic household and lifestyle. And it will probably take our time but just in a different way.

Look at I or You

When we’re using this in a sentence. The word You can be a lot more confrontational and generally upsets people puts people on the defense. If you can swap it around to say I instead of You It is less confrontational obviously and it helps you to explain and own your own feeling. If you say I this is something that nobody can take away from you. You may have a different opinion from somebody else but actually this is your opinion and your opinion is always valid.

Your opinion is always valid

Instead of saying "You did this. It is your fault" “You made me angry” You can say "I was upset when the dinner burned" or "My foot hurt when I trod on the lego”  It's a lot not confrontational and probably will keep your house karma.

Changing behavior is hard

Be patient  Practice

Persevere, keep going

If you hear yourself saying you just follow up with I. You will have to plant them.

We cannot change our children， however， we can change ourselves and the actions we take.

This is the only person we have power on is asked that.

And sometimes the behaviors that we change will have an effect on the people around us.

The children tend to do as we do rather than what we tell them to do. Be the role model for our children.

父母教卜租养方式
例句:

1.
Changes in parenting style also play a role.
对子女教育方式的转变也起到了一定作用。

2.
They reflect a quiet shift in the parenting style of middle-class families, especially inchina's growing cities.
这些书反映了中国中产阶级家樱租庭的教育方式正在悄悄地发生转变，尤其是在中国的增长型城市。脊弊兆

3.
I'm not alone in adopting this duplicitous parenting style.
在实施这狡猾的父母态度方面我并不孤单。

helicopter parenting
直升机式教育；
直迅清升机养育法；
直升机式携瞎育儿；
直升机管教
I hope that we're getting away from the helicopter parenting.
我希望我们真能逐渐摆脱‘直亩隐前升机’式养育法。

很高兴第一时间为您解答，祝学习进步

如有问题请及时追问，谢谢~~O(∩_∩)O

Helicopter parenting, the practice of hovering anxiously near one’s children, monitoring their every activity, is so 20th century. Some affluent mothers and fathers now are more like snowplows: machines chugging ahead, clearing any obstacles in their child’s path to success, so they don’t have to encounter failure, frustration or lost opportunities.

Taken to its criminal extreme, that means bribing SAT proctors and paying off college coaches to get children into elite colleges—and then going to great lengths to make sure they never face the humiliation of knowing how they got there.

It starts early, when parents get on wait lists for elite preschools before their babies are born and try to make sure their toddlers never do anything that may frustrate them. It gets more intense when school starts: running a forgotten assignment to school or calling a coach to request that their child make the team.

Yes, it’s a parent’s job to support the children, and to use their * wisdom to prepare for the future when their children aren’t mature enough to do so. That’s why parents hide certain toys from toddlers to avoid temper tantrums or take away a teenager’s car keys until he finishes his college applications.

But snowplow parents can take it too far, some experts say. If children have never faced an obstacle, what happens when they get into the real world?

Learning to solve problems, take risks and overcome frustration are crucial life skills, many child development experts say, and if parents don’t let their children encounter failure, the children don’t acquire them.

Helicopter parenting, the practice of hovering anxiously near one’s children, monitoring their every activity, is so 20th century. Some affluent mothers and fathers now are more like snowplows: machines chugging ahead, clearing any obstacles in their child’s path to success, so they don’t have to encounter failure, frustration or lost opportunities.

Taken to its criminal extreme, that means bribing SAT proctors and paying off college coaches to get children into elite colleges—and then going to great lengths to make sure they never face the humiliation of knowing how they got there.

It starts early, when parents get on wait lists for elite preschools before their babies are born and try to make sure their toddlers never do anything that may frustrate them. It gets more intense when school starts: running a forgotten assignment to school or calling a coach to request that their child make the team.

Yes, it’s a parent’s job to support the children, and to use their * wisdom to prepare for the future when their children aren’t mature enough to do so. That’s why parents hide certain toys from toddlers to avoid temper tantrums or take away a teenager’s car keys until he finishes his college applications.

But snowplow parents can take it too far, some experts say. If children have never faced an obstacle, what happens when they get into the real world?

Learning to solve problems, take risks and overcome frustration are crucial life skills, many child development experts say, and if parents don’t let their children encounter failure, the children don’t acquire them.

unstoppable
adj. 无法被停止的；无法阻挡的
词根词缀：un-（否定） ；-able（可以做到的）
相关词汇：stop（v. 停止）

obstacle
n. 阻碍、路障

proctor
n. 监考官

assignment
n. 作业（可数）

mature
adj. 成熟的
反义词：immature

take sth. too far
把某事做得过头了
英文释义：to do or perform something in a way that is not acceptable

长难句解析

Taken to its criminal extreme, that means bribing SAT proctors and paying off college coaches to get children into elite colleges—and then going to great lengths to make sure they never face the humiliation of knowing how they got there.

句子开头 taken to its criminal extreme，是过去分词做条件状语，补回句中省略的部分，这个句子实际上是 If something is taken to its criminal extreme，其中的 something 就是扫雪式育儿，也是整个句子的主语，谓语部分 take something to extremes，表示把某件事情做过头了，意思就是，如果扫雪机式育儿这种做法被带到了犯罪的地步的话，它会是怎么样的呢？that means bribing SAT proctors and paying off college coaches to get children into elite colleges，that 指的还是主语扫雪式育儿，句子提到了两件事情，bribing SAT proctors，贿赂 SAT 的考官，以及 paying off college coaches *通大学里的教练，后面 to get children into elite colleges 表示目的，为了把他们的孩子弄进顶尖大学。破折号之后 and then going to great lengths to make sure they never face the humiliation of knowing how they got there，其中 go to great lengths 表示竭尽全力，这些家长会竭尽全力确保孩子们 never face the humiliation of knowing how they got there，意思就是，这些家长会确保他们的孩子永远都不会知道，自己是如何进入顶尖大学的，也就不用去承受由此而来的羞耻。

英国家长们常常把“给孩子失败的机会”这句话挂在嘴边。孩子做某件事失败了，英国人的观念不是索性不让孩子去做或干脆家长包办，而是再提供一次机会，让他们学会避免失败的方法。同时，学校教育也十分重视“接受失败”的学习。据报道，英国一所顶级中学推出了一套极富挑战性的数学考试试题，校方坦言这份试题的难度远超过中学生的解题能力，声称考生“不可能拿满分”。据称，此法是为了让学生从小就摆脱完美主义思想，了解“失败是完全可以接受的”。

有人说教育孩子应该尽可能地展示一个真善美的世界，然而，德国的家长与老师们却另辟蹊径，让孩子们直面人生和社会的阴暗面。 德国学校推出的教材中，不仅有“阳光”的内容，还有涉及社会“阴暗面”的内容，如种族歧视、违法犯法等课题，其宗旨是引导学生思考和解释各种社会现象。

在日本，父母非常重视对孩子进行自立与忍耐的教育，因为日本人信奉这样的理念：只有让孩子经受一定的以忍耐为主题的训练，才能培养儿童独立克服困难的能力，形成坚韧和顽强的品质。 在日本，经常有这样的训练课程，一些孩子在没有成人带领的情况下，面对艰苦的自然环境，搭建帐篷、寻觅野果、捡拾柴草、寻找水源，克服重重困难，进行自救活动。